Pleasure is replacing love.

Hey everyone!

What
A
Crazy
Week
Sorta
Ish.

Urgh.

First of all- I just got back from a killer swim camp a little while ago (a.k.a Sunday, a little passed midnight (so I guess Monday morning) after driving for 12 hours)and it was great. Even though I died, and sweated more than I though possible (gross, eh?) I had an awesome time. I finally got the aura and feeling of having a real, large team who worked together and pushed each other in a positive way.
Not to bash my home team- It just sorta made me realize how sad our small club here is... But sadly, there is nothing that I can do.
Also... I really hate how karma comes back and bites you right in the bum.
As you all know, I wanted to use a different word in that sentence.
But I can't swear online- oh no!
Anyways, back on topic.
I just wish I could remember what I did to deserve this?
I know its not his fault, no one can help how they feel.
No matter how much your brain screams, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING YOU STUPID TARD!"
It just sucks for the other person. A lot.
Lets just say my heart was kinda just put into the paper shredder tonight.
The lights of hope have been blown out by a sandstorm.
Yay.
(The "Yay" was sarcastic, for those who aren't the brightest. It's okay.)
Its like being caught up in a tornado.
You think you are going to get blown to someplace new, different, involving many risks.
But my tornado?
Had to go and dump me right where I was swept up in the first place.
To tell you the truth though... I feel awful.
His brain must be killing him right now, because he's actually a guy that cares.
That doesn't want to hurt anyone.
I'm still glad he told me though, it wouldn't be fair to any of us if he didn't.\
Him.
Me.
Or her.
I wish my brain and heart actually agreed for once, though.
How really are you supposed to confront and deal with these situations anyway, without hearts being broken?
I think it's pretty dang impossible.
How is that fair?
I don't know. All I do know is that whoever thought up "All's fair in love and war" totally got the ball on that one.
Sorry y'all- I know this makes no sense.
To tell ya the truth- lately, nothing in my brain makes sense anymore.
I think I just gatta stop wishing, and start doing, and trying to make stuff happen.
But why does it always have to be so hard?
Life would be so much easier if you were selfish.
Anyways- we recently started Sex Ed in Health.
Wooot.
Actually, so far I kinda am enjoying it.
Doesn't that sound terrible?
But don't worry- I'm not enjoying the thing we all think of when "Sex Ed" comes to mind.
Our Health teacher made me really think about some stuff, about how girls are dealing with a double edged sword.
If you're not a skank, you're frigid.
If you're not frigid, you're a skank.
There is not other viewing of teens.
Then, girls who ARE skanks take offense when they are called that.
What, giving BJ's and HJ's and having random hook up sessions is NOT skankish anymore?
Replacing feelings and crushes with urges and spur of the moments?
I'm not perfect, but I just can't see why girls want to be known to want to do this sort of stuff!
Can they not face the truth, and realize that is what they have become?
What is happening to love!?
Is it for popularity? Do they feel like a part of something, wanted for anything? Just to be known, and to be talked about?
Why do women wanted to be treated like objects?
I
Don't
Understand.
And I don't think I ever will.
You see, if these girls kept these things to themselves, I wouldn't mind. Sure- go nuts.
But if you DON'T act like them, they make you believe you should.
That you're frigid, and not "livin' life."
Yet, if you ARE like them, you're a skank.
A slut.
Gross, and people just use you.
Maybe we should start thinking before we speak.
Or start sticking up more for our personal beliefs.
Yet, again, this stuff is always so dang tough to deal with.
You're twice as strong, if you have another by your side.

Torching the Smoke,
Leahpeia.