You have to listen beyond the lyrics.

Hey, Y'all. :)
SUPER SUPER FASTO BLOGGERS, HERE.
Haha, I'm in Social Studies at the moment.
And off-task.
And if I get caught- I'm practically dead meat.
Correction.
Dead GROUND meat.
Hahahahaha.
Anyways.
Life is actually kinda boring, haha.
I gatta go, class is going to end!
Sorry for the very boring post.

Torching the Smoke,
Leahpeia.

Sacrifices have to be made, to stop the spread of heartbreak.

Hello everybody.
I kinda don't know what to blog about at the moment.
I let it all out last blog, for those who read it, haha.
Yes, I'm sorry. It was very long.
My computer is acting funny, and its not letting me put some more tunes on my iPod.
Mayyyyyyjor bummer.
Hopefully, I will be able to put some more on soon.
I'm kinda going through a "I need music to help me get over/move on/feel happy/to explain my self through the lyrics" stage.
I'm sure you know what I mean, its just pretty hard to explain I guess.
Oh well.
He tried talking to me, sort of.
And by talking, I mean texting.
Cause that's the only way he can talk to me.
Anyways, I'm not answering... why should I?
He sort of chucked my heart into that paper shredder.
And why doesn't he just go and talk to her?
Cause he likes her sooooo much. Right?
I just wish that I knew this from the very beginning.
Then I would have never gone down this road.
I feel like a tool.
But its not like I have anything against this girl.
If she knew she'd blame it all on herself... but I guess I deserve all of this.
I dragged her into it, cause I was such a damn coward.
Karma sure bit me in the (SWEAR AH) this time.
So now I can't tell her what happened... cause I don't want her to get hurt, too.
Urgh.
Anyways, on a happier note - I had a pretty awesome day.
I made six dozen cupcakes!
It was pretty great. I don't really know what happened to all of them, though.
I brought them to the pool, and my bud handed them out... and now I have no idea where the tupperwear containers ended up, let alone the 6 dozen cupcakes.
Hmmmmm.
Swimmers are very, very fat.
Yet, it's a wonderful thing.

Torching the Smoke,
Leahpeia.

Pleasure is replacing love.

Hey everyone!

What
A
Crazy
Week
Sorta
Ish.

Urgh.

First of all- I just got back from a killer swim camp a little while ago (a.k.a Sunday, a little passed midnight (so I guess Monday morning) after driving for 12 hours)and it was great. Even though I died, and sweated more than I though possible (gross, eh?) I had an awesome time. I finally got the aura and feeling of having a real, large team who worked together and pushed each other in a positive way.
Not to bash my home team- It just sorta made me realize how sad our small club here is... But sadly, there is nothing that I can do.
Also... I really hate how karma comes back and bites you right in the bum.
As you all know, I wanted to use a different word in that sentence.
But I can't swear online- oh no!
Anyways, back on topic.
I just wish I could remember what I did to deserve this?
I know its not his fault, no one can help how they feel.
No matter how much your brain screams, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING YOU STUPID TARD!"
It just sucks for the other person. A lot.
Lets just say my heart was kinda just put into the paper shredder tonight.
The lights of hope have been blown out by a sandstorm.
Yay.
(The "Yay" was sarcastic, for those who aren't the brightest. It's okay.)
Its like being caught up in a tornado.
You think you are going to get blown to someplace new, different, involving many risks.
But my tornado?
Had to go and dump me right where I was swept up in the first place.
To tell you the truth though... I feel awful.
His brain must be killing him right now, because he's actually a guy that cares.
That doesn't want to hurt anyone.
I'm still glad he told me though, it wouldn't be fair to any of us if he didn't.\
Him.
Me.
Or her.
I wish my brain and heart actually agreed for once, though.
How really are you supposed to confront and deal with these situations anyway, without hearts being broken?
I think it's pretty dang impossible.
How is that fair?
I don't know. All I do know is that whoever thought up "All's fair in love and war" totally got the ball on that one.
Sorry y'all- I know this makes no sense.
To tell ya the truth- lately, nothing in my brain makes sense anymore.
I think I just gatta stop wishing, and start doing, and trying to make stuff happen.
But why does it always have to be so hard?
Life would be so much easier if you were selfish.
Anyways- we recently started Sex Ed in Health.
Wooot.
Actually, so far I kinda am enjoying it.
Doesn't that sound terrible?
But don't worry- I'm not enjoying the thing we all think of when "Sex Ed" comes to mind.
Our Health teacher made me really think about some stuff, about how girls are dealing with a double edged sword.
If you're not a skank, you're frigid.
If you're not frigid, you're a skank.
There is not other viewing of teens.
Then, girls who ARE skanks take offense when they are called that.
What, giving BJ's and HJ's and having random hook up sessions is NOT skankish anymore?
Replacing feelings and crushes with urges and spur of the moments?
I'm not perfect, but I just can't see why girls want to be known to want to do this sort of stuff!
Can they not face the truth, and realize that is what they have become?
What is happening to love!?
Is it for popularity? Do they feel like a part of something, wanted for anything? Just to be known, and to be talked about?
Why do women wanted to be treated like objects?
I
Don't
Understand.
And I don't think I ever will.
You see, if these girls kept these things to themselves, I wouldn't mind. Sure- go nuts.
But if you DON'T act like them, they make you believe you should.
That you're frigid, and not "livin' life."
Yet, if you ARE like them, you're a skank.
A slut.
Gross, and people just use you.
Maybe we should start thinking before we speak.
Or start sticking up more for our personal beliefs.
Yet, again, this stuff is always so dang tough to deal with.
You're twice as strong, if you have another by your side.

Torching the Smoke,
Leahpeia.

Was that just a deer in daytime?

Hey fellow creepers :)
Anyways, here's a really quick post here- I'm at school, being a complete rebel.
I'm actually supposed to be doing some extreeeeeeemely complicated sciece project.
Whats my topic?
No idea.
Anyways, it has been a pretty psychotic week- I will fill you all in later... when my chance of getting in trouble for being off topic is significantly lower. It won't be for a while, though- today I'm heading off to a swim camp/dual meet in someplace*
And I have to go- I JUST ALMOST PRACTICALLY GOT CAUGHT BY MY TEACHER.
Haha. Oh hell.

Torching the Smoke,
Leahpeia.

Who needs drugs, when you can be High on Love?

Hey fellow creepers!
(Just kidding.)
Really really fast blog, here.
Lets just say- the past 24 hours were practically incredibly amazing!
I had approximately seven mini-spazzes, which inevitably resulted in me hurting myself. Luckily though, this time it was only one of those mini Guitar Hero guitars (that come in cereal boxes) that smoked me in the head. Other than that - injury free!
Not like that other time when I jumped from a chair with my eyes closed.
That was... not the wisest.
Anyways.
Why am I so incredibly happy, as you may be wondering?
Well, I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself... If you have been reading my previous blogs.
:)
I'm pretty happy.
He is... even sweeter than what I hoped.
I also had some... hmmm, let's say... intense phone calls (but not like camping) last night (super late) with my VERY good pal Sledgehammer*.
They were also quite disturbing.
Other than that, there was really no aberrant phenomenons today- other than the Ten Commandments, the longest, most BORING movie ever. I think it was going on for what, six hours?
Really, people. Religion is great- but only in small doses.
They could at least to TRY to make it interesting, but man! My eyes were rolling and I was practically drooling, plopped down on the couch, trying to watch it.
SIX HOURS!

Torching the Smoke,
Leahpeia.

*names have been changed.

The Awakening.

she opened her eyes.
nothing she saw was familiar. where was she? who was she?
around her, all the girl saw were four strong, brick walls.
above her, all the girl saw was blackness.
how did she get in here?
then the walls started closing in. closer and closer they came towards her, engulfing her with their strong composure.
soon they had embraced her, entered inside of her, and enclosed around her heart.
through the blackness, all the girls feelings were dropped and trapped inside the brick cage. they were contained.
but soon, there were too many. too many terrible feelings, too much pain.
they tore down the walls around her heart.
and these feelings entered her mind, her veins, her heart, and slowly yet quickly enough, had taken over all that the girl once knew and believed.
there was nothing else in the world to live for now.
the girl couldn't find out who she was anymore. she couldn't remember the years of happiness after all those years of pain.
so what did the girl do?
she went looking.
because she knew, and so did everyone else, that the best cure
was happiness itself.

'Cause if you jump, I will jump too.

Hey, readers.
This must be a new, all time record!
I am actually blogging... two days in a row! Woooooooot! :)
But I guess I do get this week off, so I'm going to try to blog everyday now.
So. Whats new in my pathetic life?
Lets just say- I have some really amazing friends. And right now, I really don't know what I could do without them...
And something happened yesterday, say, around, 12:03 am. Yes, midnight.
I got a wonderful text message from Facebook.
And it made my YEAR.
Its funny how something so small can make you ecstatic. I lost about 3 hours of sleep because of it... but who cares! It was wonderful!
It doesn't really matter what happened... :)
Lets just say it has something to do with my previous Bloggers.
The feeling was... insane.
Don't worry- I wasn't doing drugs or alcohol or anything. I was high on emotion.
I'm still having trouble accepting this though. That this is actually happening in my life, for once.
I guess I got so used to no one being there... no one actually caring... its really hard for me to believe this.
As much as I tore down those walls, there's still bits and pieces there.
I guess all I have to do now, is wait it out. Hopefully the outcome will be a fairytale ending?
Maybe, maybe not.
Just to let you know- I'm as terrified as I am happy.
The fear of happiness.
"It feels so wrong, but it feels so right."
-Mr. Marshal Mathers. (Eminem, to all you noobs out there.)

Torching the Smoke,
Leahpeia.

Dear God: Can you please write a book on life? Thanks.

Hey everyone- again, long time no blog. The usual.
What an insane week- but yet, is my life ever normal?
No.
Actually, though, the past little while my life turned to a new page. One I don't even know how to handle- and usually I'm pretty confident with new challenges. But this? No. I'm terrified. You know what it is?
The opposite sex.
Yes, boys.
Ack.
Lets just sum this all up in a nice, short little bit - I've had crushes before... but not of this variety. I can't even spend a second with him out of my brain...
Oh my gawd. I sound like some lovesick teenager! Only ones that you read about.
Ack.
He's really sweet though... someone who has that outside layer, but underneath they are really sweet and considerate.
Its just kinda tough tearing away that outer layer.
We were chatting on Facebook chat, (sadly, it was just chit-chat) and he brought up some... sort of bad memories that I made myself forget.
He made me realize how much my life has changed for the better.
Sometimes, I guess, its good to remember the bad times in order for you to recognize the good. And I had forgotten. Correction- I made myself forget. Who wants to remember those things anyways?
I'm really glad I did end up remembering. The pain of the past 2 years really made me appreciate how good everything is now.
It was just nice to see... how someone actually cared about me, though. That's how he made me remember... he was actually asking about how I was, and if I ever got hurt. No one actually cared before. I really hope he means it though... and maybe feels the same way about me as I feel about him.
I'm sorry readers- this probably makes no sense.
But I hope you can kind of relate.
Don't you wish life was actually like fairytales- always with a happy ending?
I know I sure do. Everyday.

Torching the Smoke,
leahpeia.